translated from Czech language by treatment provider
sometime 2000

My name is M. R. I am 26 years old and the last two years I’m trying to get rid of my heroin addiction.

After ibogaine intake, saturday at 11,30 a.m., I laid down in bed, covered my eyes, calmed down and waited. About ten minutes afterwards the bed started to rotate with me very pleasantly for about a minute and then came a deafening roar and I flopped down with the bed in the middle of nowhere, through which I flight and flight, till I stopped, don’t know where, perhaps in my consciousness, soul or something like that.

I was there for a while without something specific going on, just after another while somthing told me : “Hey, look” and the film started. It wasn’t a continuous film, but many and many different pictures, which I continuously understood as an integral story. At first took place few of my potential life ways in the future, still taking drugs and always ended very soon with a tragic death. It was always a horrible look at my dead body, the picture of it everytime remained for a long while, I was forced then to observe my dead body which was placed on the roof of a devastated building . This building was on a small planet spinning in black emptiness. This picture alternated (took turns) with a rotating exclamation point which kept changing in a small dot (point) and which was disappearing with a weird clink. These two pictures alternated very regularly perhaps a whole hour.

The last story was a nice, long and contented life without drugs, a real balsam in comparison with the previous ones. Throughout all this sequence I heard subconsciously something in the sense, that if I’d keep taking heroin I’ll end very badly, which I actually just saw several times. Simply it showed me how (too) far I’d gone, fall deeply and very crudely (really undescrivebly), so I realized a lot of things and the awareness that I’ll never be taking heroin again started to strenghten.

Then I started to come to my senses and soon the withdrawal, but the worst I ever had. It lasted for about three hours and for all this time there was an idea in my head, that nearby my bed a dose of heroin is prepared just to be taken and finish this anguish, but for all this time I heard the same whispering that if l do it everything is lost. So I was (made)forced , being in withdrawal,to fight with the urge of taking that heroin, which was (immaginarily) at reach. It was tormenting, but suddenly it ended, I came to and there were no traces from withdrawal.

Even though I was all that sunday very weak and different pictures were still running in my head, in spite of that I felt very well, clean and mainly didn’t have the least thought for the heroin. I got back into a normal state after about three days and till then I was still like under the effects of extasy or mashrooms.

Still no desire for drugs, even a week afterwards, when I met a girl I know and smoked heroin in front of me. The only feeling I had from it was, that I felt really sorry for her and wanted to help her in some way.

My actual relation to drugs is very detached and cleared, just a sort of wondering how would they work now, but it’s easy to cope with this.

Ibogaine helped me a lot and concerning substances it was the biggest experience I ever had

By Dev