“When I first came across the word “ibogaine” while playing around on the internet I felt pretty darn excited, thinking that perhaps I’d found something I’d been looking for for a very long time. I have been addicted to prescription painkillers ranging from codeine to morphine, and everything in between, for most of my adult life (I am 44). I also grew and harvested my own opium poppies for several years. So, even though the largest part of me hated the thought of giving up my “security blanket” I still had often hoped and prayed for some turn of events that might sway me to a new direction. Everything I read about ibogaine seemed to promise that possibility.
Alternately though, was the fact that although I have used plenty of drugs, hallucinogens were never in the bunch, and in fact frightened me quite a bit. That made me think that even if I did have the opportunity to try ibogaine I would probably chicken out.
As it turned out, I did get my chance to try six months later. I knew the only way I could get myself to try ibogaine was to take a small dose – not enough that would likely affect my addiction, but enough to have some idea of how ibogaine really worked. I took a dose of 5mg/kg ibogaine HCL and had about two hours of strong emotional intensity. The experience seemed an odd mix of terribly difficult emotional work, but also a tremendous feeling of being in direct touch with some “spirit masters” so that the difficult part felt well worth it.
At the time of this first experience I was taking 15mgs morphine and 60mgs codeine daily. The ibogaine experience did not really interrupt my craving and I continued to get high daily afterwards. However, it seemed that the ibogaine did wash my system about clean and I dropped down to just 45mgs of codeine only for a while and the drugs seemed to have less appeal in general. Typically, though, I worked my way back to the original dose.
After my first session I also became quite depressed and knew I could no longer continue to use drugs to manage my moods and feelings. From then on I thought of little else but to await another ibogaine session.
Four months later I had the opportunity again and I (still chicken) was willing to try 6.5mg/kg. For some reason, ever since I came across ibogaine it seemed I was always “told” what to do and what doses to take. I knew 6.5 was still very low for addiction interruption but I kept having the premonition that it would work, and it did.
At the time of my second session I was taking 10mgs oxycontin, one percocet and 30mgs codeine per day. The second dose of ibogaine was less refined, besides being stronger, and a slower more drawn out affair ensued. I experienced about three and a half hours of overwhelming emotional intensity which I would have to characterize as definitely unpleasant but, similar to my first experience, there was still the feeling that wise beings were present and once the intense part was over I felt a great deal of love and peacefulness.
The second session actually lasted about 18 hours total. About six hours into it I began to feel some withdrawal symptoms from the opiates such as achiness, yawning and chills. However, the symptoms were quite mild and by taking three tablets of ibuprophen every three hours I coasted through a very short opiate withdrawal.
The next day I felt weak and tired but good too, and found my desire to get high virtually gone. Unfortunately the lack of craving was short-lived and after that first day the craving returned somewhat. I really was determined to get through one whole week though, and found that my ability to resist the craving was greatly enhanced. I got through that week and finally felt I was through the worst of the danger zone.
Now it is almost a year since I have gotten high. Ibogaine has proved to alter my life in many other ways besides just interrupting my addiction. I could site a lot of examples, but the single biggest difference is that I seem to have a much stronger ability to make life enhancing decisions instead of often choosing life sabotaging ones.
I know that even one year clean isn’t really that much time, but just knowing ibogaine is around and that it seemed to do something for me that little else has – I feel a great deal of hope about my life again.
I am happy to answer any further questions and can be reached at [email protected]